We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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