Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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