Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize