Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
