guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
