I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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