I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there was a trapeze. enough said
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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