Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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