She's JV to your varsity
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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