I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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