Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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