We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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