I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
