im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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