there's paper in my vomit.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize