I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize