life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
