absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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