So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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