I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
