Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
