I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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