i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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