I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
