whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Still dying that you shit outside
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
