ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
