I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
