O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
