cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
