Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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