Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
