Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
