No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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