we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Randomize
