woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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