I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
