She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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