That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
