Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
