My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
