Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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