Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
