guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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