i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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