Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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