Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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