it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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