I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
