You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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