yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
