Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
