My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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