I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
