We won't sleep together?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
