we're blogging at a bar
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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