Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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