I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize