I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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