I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
