i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
