I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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