At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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