I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
