Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
this hospital has no fireball
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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