I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
