When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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