Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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