so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
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burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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