I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
