Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
