I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
