She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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