Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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