I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
