dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
