It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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