I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
